Carry on Lonely Angel
by ARTmeg
Summary: Donna had told him to find someone, but she didn't understand that whenever he had someone, he eventually lost them. And now that Donna had turned down his offer to come with him, there was nothing to stop the Doctor's mind from wandering back to his most recent loss; Rose


**A/N: Just something I quick wrote in a note on my iPhone. This happens after he says goodbye to Donna for the first time, after she tells him to find someone. **

**This first little part isn't how that scene really went, but it's how it's going to be for this story.**

**The story was inspired by the bit of fan art that I used as the cover picture. **

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**_"Who will be there for you, comfort and care for you_**

**_Learn to be lonely, learn to be your one companion."_**

**_-Andrew Lloyd Webber_**

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Together they stood, the only two people on the entire planet. Off in the distance the setting sun peeked through the spires of jagged rock that rose high into the bright orange and purple sky. The planet wasn't green, it wasn't thriving with life, but it was beautiful.

"How long are you going to stay with me again?" the Doctor asked, looking at Rose.

Smiling at him Rose reached out to take his hand, "Forever."

Grinning back the Doctor felt utterly content. In this moment Rose Tyler was everything, and with her he could see possibilities of a future that made him giddy with happiness. He had found a happy ending, and he knew she would never leave him. They stared into each others eyes and slowly he leaned over, kissing her gently on the cheek. This one thing at least, wouldn't turn to dust.

**. . . .**

_"Am I ever going to see you again?"_

_"You can't."_

Childishly the Doctor wished it had all just been a nightmare. It was so hard to accept that she was gone forever, he still half expected her to come bursting through the doors, smiling the smile that he adored so much.

She would see him looking so desolate and miserable and come over to ask what was wrong. He would gather her into his arms and tell her everything he had thought didn't need saying and kiss her like he had been wanting to for so long.

It was a nice dream.

He had been in love before, had a family with kids and even grandkids, but that was long ago. Those memories still remained, but over time they had taken on a faded quality- the look of a memory which would never truly belong to him, and they did so less and less with each regeneration.

Rose had been the love that was his, all his. She did not belong to the men he saw in the memories of his previous regenerations, but only to him. She had been his "here and now".

Walking over to the control panel, he was reaching for a lever when something caught his eye. It was Rose's jacket, the one that Donna had found earlier. Slowly he reached for it, brushing his hand over the fabric as memories danced through his mind. He picked it up and wandered over to sit down on the chair by the TARDIS console, suddenly feeling bone tired.

The Doctor pressed his face into the jacket- It even smelled like her. Something inside him finally broke: It was as if only a strand was left of a rope that had kept him strong, able to ride through his hardships, and now it snapped leaving him with no way to suppress his pain. Shoulders trembling he slid off the chair and onto his knees as all the feelings he had been holding back suddenly burst free. For once he made no effort to hold his tears back, and he wasn't sure he could have even if he had tried.

He cried loudly like a small child, deep heaving sobs that wracked his slim frame, her jacket still pressed to his face. Why did it have to be so hard! Didn't he deserve a happy ending just this once? Rose was the reason he had begun to stop hating himself. She had made him feel like he was worth something. She had taken a bitter, sad, and angry man and fixed him, making him a better person and healing his broken hearts.

The Doctor was too much like fire, everybody who strayed too close eventually ended up getting burned. Why hadn't he remembered that, before he allowed himself to fall in love? Although that had never been his intention, it had simply creeped up on him. How could he not have fallen in love with her? He flexed his fingers slightly, remembering the feel of her hand in his.

He was possessed by an overwhelming desire to flee. To run away from the hurt and despair, run away from the memories and the promises that could never be kept. Run away again and again, until he was so cold and numb, that he felt nothing at all. Back to the way he'd been before Rose.

And the Doctor knew he would run, that's what he did. But he would never truly escape, because the hurt is all he has left now. For a glorious sun-filled seven years he had had something to look forward to. He had had a reason to live, rather than just exist- a human girl whom he loved with all his hearts, someone ready to give him her forever. The girl he had come to love, and the girl he had lost. She wasn't dead and he knew she still lived, but that only made it hurt worse. Nothing could change the fact that he would never see her again. She was forever out of his reach.

Eventually the Doctor's tears dried, and he lifted his head. A change had come over him: his eyes which had already been sad and old now bore the new grief that had consumed him, the grief of loosing almost everything he cared for yet again. It had scooped out his insides and left him with a hollow feeling: another piece of him had died, just like how a piece of him had died when he had lost his family and friends in the Time War.

The Doctor realized that this moment was everything. It was his future, and everything he would ever really be: alone. Just a lonely man wandering through time and space in his little blue box which was bigger on the inside.

Because for the Doctor, there was no such thing as a happy ending. Because everyone leaves in the end, and everything turns to dust.

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**_"So, laugh in your loneliness, child of the wilderness_**

**_Learn to be lonely, learn how to love a life that is lived alone."_**

**_-Andrew Lloyd Webber_**

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**A/N: Reviews would be much appreciated**

**Many thanks to The One Eyed Witch for her assistance with this story! **


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